After having known the others, he perceives them as 80% positive and only 20% negative. After a few months, life in common has taken away many things. People become less attentive to each other. The wonder and amazement of the others’ qualities become weaker. The positive aspects become less visible. We take people for granted, as we become used to them. The desire for mutual discovery is lost. As a consequence, the negative aspect of the others has increased sharply to 40% in our estimation; though the positive we are able to see in them still remains about 60%. At this point, however, the relationship is not worrying yet. After one or two years of living together, the reciprocal acquaintance has greatly reduced the desire to deepen the mutual relationships, because we feel that we “know” the persons enough not to expect anything new from them that we don’t know already. The wonder of the discovery has faded away and community life becomes a “routine” now. At this point the negative clearly appears at 60%, while the positive has dropped down to only 40%. The negative side of the other springs up first, almost all the time. We might even approach the other in order that he might ‘improve’, without realizing that I am the one who should improve. Little by little all is degraded; the gap gets wider; all seems to be compromised. Few words are exchanged; sharp answers are given. The negative aspects invade every corner. The other is perceived as negative at 80%. While the deep bond of relationship is merely 20% at this juncture: only a tiny thread of love is left. But even in this situation all can be saved through a frank dialogue and through the purification of the motivations of our love for the other in the community. Because what is degraded is not so much love in itself, but rather the desire to ‘discover’ the other person in his inner riches. What disappear with time are the external, superficial aspects of a person and maybe some expectations we have on others when we joined the community. Little by little those aspects, which are not essential, have to disappear to give way to what is really important in a person. Like a mineral is purified and all slag removed so that only the pure gold remains, so it is with our relationships with the brothers in the community. It is only when we accept that natural process of ‘purification’ that the gold of pure love, awakened by the real, lasting values of the others appears and our relationships can become deep and lasting. Whether we find ourselves at the braking point, or at a middle stage, or at the beginning our love for the others must be cultivated and deepened. To love the brothers of our community does not come spontaneously, but only as a result of a positive effort made to discover the richness and the beauty and the gifts of our confreres. It requires the ability to go beyond the appearances or the external behaviour so as to perceive in the others the gifts of the Spirit and those hidden their heart. And make a positive effort to underline them, as difficult as this may be. On the other hand, one should not let himself be polarized by the negative aspects he notices in others, which are present in everyone (but who is perfect?). We must, instead try to focus our attention always on the positive side, to look at our differences and cultural diversities as beauty and to consider any confrere as a gift of God for me. Because we did not choose each other (that only happens in marriage!), spiritual motivations have also to come in to sustain the family spirit and a joyful community living (Cfr. The Doc. “Fraternal Life in the Community”). Only in this way we can heal the wounds that are caused in us by the discovery of the imperfections and limitations in others, so that our love for one another in the community can really grow day by day.”
Lastly, after sharing the reflection of our regional Superior, Fr. Antonio Vismara, we would kindly like to bring to your attention the hearty advice of Our Founder, Joseph Allamano: “You should thank God who in his goodness inspired the foundation of this Congregation. Each of you should be one of its pillars; those who come after you should see in you a model fit to imitate. (…).” (IMC Constitutions, page 142).
